Got back from the doctors around 12pm (ok ok I went to Target to do some shopping first!) and have been mulling around the house pretty depressed. It's weird, the appointment wasn't even about my hip (it was a physical) and that's all he wanted to talk about. I am so sick of medical professionals deciding that I always want to talk about it. There are so many other things in this world that I want to talk about and my disability is not one of them. So frustrating when you're my age and have been diagnosed with OA because that is ALL they want to talk about! "so it hurts how often" ALL THE FUCKING TIME! "and on a scale of 1-10"... take your scale and shove it! I have physical therapists, orthopedists, physicians... people I see only once or twice... so interested in my case that they follow it, they keep track of my treatments and my symptoms and that is just mind boggling to me. Why am I so interesting? go follow someone else. I try to live my life as normal as possible, trying to forget that I have this disease. I want to wake up in the morning and not be reminded that I am seen as disabled, that when I go places I have limitations, I can't run around and goof off like my friends and family can. I can't go running with my dogs or go jogging on the beach. When I apply for jobs I have to let them know that there are aspects of the job that I won't be able to fulfill because of my limitations. It's all so frustrating and weighs on me so heavily that it is beyond ridiculous. I just want to scream, pull my hair out and punch things. I just want to be able to be normal, to live a normal life, not to always be reminded that I'm broken :( There is always a dull pain, 100% of the time, that lets me know that the little man is in there just waiting for my to step wrong to pinch me over and over again. I keep trying to keep my head up but lately I feel like I'm drowning, like I can't catch my breath and I'm losing the battle. I do know I need to keep fighting, that soon enough I'll be able to take a big, deep breath and know that it's all okay. We all face challenges and mine are worse than some, but I'll still make it through. I'll be strong and at the end of it all know that I was the strongest and as determined as I could be and I didn't let it win... I didn't let it defeat me, instead I fought back... I will always fight back. I may not always win the fights, but I damn well will win the battle...
okay, so onto the doctors appointment:
he told me losing weight would be a good idea for my health and for my hip so yay on that! Now I just need to find the motivation and get my diet on point. I went and bought a new cookbook today and it's got over 500 recipes that are healthy and there's like 350 of them that I absolutely think I'm going to love. My mouth was watering just reading what the ingredients were, so hopefully this will help. He also diagnosed me with migraines, which was one of the last things I expected, but it is what it is. He says it's most likely stress and tension (gee I wonder where that comes from) and I should try to relax, so I'm going to try yoga, or pilates or something once our finances get a little bit better, which entails me finding a job! so wish me luck on that!!
okay time for sleep!!! pills have kicked in!!
I severely injured my hip when I was 22 years old. Since then I have been diagnosed with traumatic arthritis of the hip, osteoarthritis of the hip and femoral acetabular impingement. This blog is my way of getting out the feelings I have, and the pain and trouble those of us who suffer from arthritis go through on a daily basis. It is a debilitating disease that I believe too many people ignore or set aside as no big deal.
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