A Bad Day

Today was probably one of the worst days I have had in a really long time. I couldn't take a step without pain searing through me. A couple times I found myself sitting on the floor in agonizing pain and not wanting to get up. I don't know what's happening, it's like all the sudden everything is regressing, all my hard work is going out the window. I need to get up and moving on a regular basis, I need to get out of this pity party I have been in and rebuild these muscles that I have let atrophy for the past few weeks. I don't know what is wrong with me and why I've been so lazy but it is definitely pissing me off. I can't keep dealing with this because it will just have me go down a road of depression and anger that I have been down so many times, and have now veered away from and I never want to find myself there again. It wasn't fun or pretty for myself or anyone around me. I'm sure I lost many people in my life because of how I was then, and I don't want to lose anyone else.
I've made a decision to take some riding lessons, because even though I know how to ride I'm always willing to learn something fun and new about it. This way I won't be in a situation with Feather, who hasn't been ridden in 5 years, so a nice quit horse will really do me and my hip best. This is something that I love to do and I know it's something that I will stick with because it's something that I know will help me.
This is getting so stupid...the pain I mean... I don't even know what to do right now. It feels like the muscles are trying to rip themselves apart and when I walk it just wants me to sit down. I have to walk 3.2 miles in two days, this is not the time for my hip to decide not to work anymore. Looks like pills will be popped... ugh so annoying.
I don't even feel like typing anymore, my thoughts are just consumed with pain... goodnight